Struggling Recently with Heightened Cognitive Problems

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Hi Guys,

Sorry that I haven't been active on the boards recently. Things have been really difficult as of late and I've been particularly struggling a lot recently with some cognitive issues that I'd like your guys' input on. I keep feeling like people are not understanding what I'm saying or writing, but they keep telling me that I am making sense to them. I've begun to wonder if I'M the one who can't make sense out of what I'm writing/saying despite being the one writing/saying.

It's like my brain doesn't understand what I'm communicating so I can't envision that anyone else could understand. I don't know if that makes sense. A recent test my therapist did showed that I am having a lot of dissociation and derealization so it's possible these problems are due to that. I would just really appreciate any input or advice you guys might have. I'd especially appreciate words of encouragement...things have been really difficult lately. I recently had to move in with my parents again which is hard to handle at the age of 26. I do understand that it's probably for the best as I've not been doing well taking care of myself, but it's still a blow nonetheless.

Thank you,

Megan

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Hi Megan,

I am new to this....... Although I have suffered for years with so many of the debilitating symptoms of Lyme disease, I was one of those cases where even I was convinced that somehow "it was all in my head" or somehow, without my knowledge I was causing or making these things happen, blah blah,blah.....

I turn 42 at midnight......I have lost everything in the last 2 1/2 years! It was only a few weeks ago, maybe 2, I do not remember, that I discovered I was living with chronic, late stage Lyme disease. I'm not so good at making a long story short.....but here goes.......

I don't know if it helps to hear stories of what others suffer with. Not sure if it's helpful to hear that I experience a similar, yet opposite, loss of cognitive brain function. For me, I have trouble understanding what others are saying to me. I also have issues speaking. Sometimes I say the wrong word or only part of a word or can not recall simple everyday words. Sometimes my mouth doesn't do what it is supposed to and I mumble or slur a word. I do also feel people don't understand what I'm saying but that's because I hear my voice saying something other than the word that should be used.

What is so frustrating and humiliating is when I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT OTHERS ARE SAYING TO ME. I'm a smart person but sometimes can't follow SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS. I don't understand what people are saying and have to say "what" or ask them to "say that again", all the time!!! At times I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND what people with accents are saying. These things have become apparent while at work at my last 2 jobs. A co-worker with an accent will be talking and everyone else nods or laughs and I have no idea what they just said. This was NEVER a problem until a few years ago. I recently had to look for a new job.............the online applications and sending out resumes......well devastatingly difficult/impossible. I know I can do this stuff! I know I am better than this!!! I didn't understand what was happening!!

I couldn't find a job anywhere!! Finally, with help from a distant family member, I got a very basic part-time, minimum wage job. It was so humiliating because I couldn't learn!! I couldn't remember!! I didn't understand!! I felt like a fool, yet had to continue to show up every morning. The other thing that SUCKED was that I was not an idiot every day. Some days I'd walk in circles trying to remember what I was doing, what I was looking for........what was that number again??? Other days I could have run the whole damn store!! This is why I come across as crazy. I've always known I was NOT crazy.......just couldn't explain or understand what the hell was going on with me.

I did a blood test for Lyme last week. Don't expect it to show an accurate result. But even though it sucked BIG TIME to discover that there is no cure for what I've been struggling with.....it is a relief to know it has a name. All this garbage I have struggled with is not because I am crazy or weak or need attention. There is some hope. I just hope something good happens soon................because I have lost everything. I only have a roof over my head because my aunt and uncle agreed to let me stay with them while I recover from spinal fusion surgery. The only thing anyone has been able to find wrong with me.............bulging discs in my neck. Dr. told me, without hearing me explain what I'm suffering from, that pinched nerves can do all kinds of things, cause all kinds of random pain.............blah, blah,blah......Now I have a big ass scar across my throat, still have the same pain and most recently have become about as smart (or dumb) as your average dog.

:) Jr.

it felt good to vent................to someone who can understand...........

SORRY IF THIS WAS NOT HELPFUL................

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New member here…Thank you both for so effectively communicating what you are feeling…I feel a little less alone in what I am feeling. Especially about how some days I may feel I can handle anything cognitively and the next day it all disappears and I feel lost. It’s horrifying. I was only diagnosed two months ago but have been symptomatic most of my life, and I have no idea how much this disease has impacted my life or how long it has affected it. It can drive one mad trying to figure it all out. Thank you! You were both very clear, and Megan, maybe that is an example of not knowing yourself how you communicate…I always think others aren’t getting what I am saying, and maybe now I will try and give the benefit of the doubt to both my ability to communicate, and others ability to understand what it is I am saying. Good luck on your journeys!