Oh LostGirl what a day! I totally feel for you, and there is no shame in 'breaking'. Shortly before I quit working I broke too. Just couldn't handle the pain, fatigue, anxiety and fear. Luckily I quit gefore I got fired. I don't know if you said the right thing to the HR/FMLA person or not, but anxiety and physical ailments are exactly what the medical leave act is made for. I would try to get your medical records in order, such as the people you saw today, so that if FMLA requires it you will have some evidence to show you are trying ot handle the problem. If you think you might want to quit and pursue disability benefits, the process is long and hard to win so I would get a patient representative to help you. If you call your local social security office they can give you numbers and information about reps in your area. And they are free unless you win at which point you have to pay them a fee. I have been in the disability process for a while now and got a rep about 2 years ago. They can help you with paperwork and let you know your rights. As well someone in your HR department is required to be on your side and also apprise you of your rights. That is their job, so use them. I am very sorry you have been going through this but am here to help...
Thank you, I feel so out of control right now and don't know where to start... If I were a metaphor (analogy?), I'm a city that was just destroyed by way and my mind keeps shouting at me to "REBUILD!!! REBUILD!!! REBUILD!!!" but I don't have the wherewithal to evaluate where I am, what I resources I have to use, or what's worth saving. When I saw the counselor yesterday she told me that she wants me to come up with what "my perfect world" would look like for our next meeting (on Friday) - on one hand, I think that's a great idea because I want to build toward that - on the other hand, I don't think I can see that far ahead. When I told her that, she challenged me with "well, are things bad enough for you that you really want to change?". That was a fair question, but it hurt. Yes, things are bad, and I want them to change, but much of this is not in my power, and she agreed (re: the meds, illnesses), but still pushed that I'd have to work hard, and not expect to see a lot of change in my situation quickly - the best I could hope for at this time would be to see "forward motion", and for me, she thought forward motion would be getting to a place where I could be functional again, be productive in my job, and work with the docs to get the meds/ seizures and lyme under control. When I look at those words, it seems so straightforward and almost small... but I think the work involved is going to be more than I can handle and the only outcomes I can see (when I try think of my future/ the perfect world I need to describe for the counselor) are disastrous. I'm sure it's clear by now, I feel pretty beaten down, and several times during our conversation she said "you have to stand up for yourself more". I've been hearing more people say that to me over the past several months/ year and I don't it in me anymore... when people tell me to stand up, it hurts even more.
This is going to be a long and ugly journey. I don't want to do it.
Those are good suggestions, thank you. I do have short term disability through work, and I'm pretty sure I purchased long term disability insurance this year too (I HOPE I did!!) - I don't know it works I haven't even thought about looking at the social security website.... I'm in a tailspin. I agree with your comment about the perfect world... I can't quite narrow it down to reality, but I have a few more days to think about it before I have to go back. I know I want to be healthy, I know I want to be working full time, in a good job, with lots of friends and (in a perfect world!) no money worries. I don't really know how to narrow it down from there... it seems like fear has just taken over my entire life, I don't get it.
Thanks for all the info lyme? I am in the process of applying for disability and very anxious about it. I have a representative to help me with my case, and we are going for Fibromyalgia and Lyme plus CFS and mental issues. Next Tuesday I have to go for a mental exam with a doctor the government assigned and I am beside myself with worry about it- I don't know what to say to this person because it feels like I am under the microscope. What did you win disability for? was your case based on Lyme or something else? I started my application in February and still haven't heard anything except to go see the shrink for a mental eval.
Hi LostGirl,
I feel for you- going through all this stress and having to deal with an employer, counselors, HR, and doctors is just too much. I keep thinking as I read your posts that you need a break. Maybe a break from work so you can get your health protocol in order? It seems like all of this that you are going through is immensely overwhelming- and if you are extra stressed you will never get better. Stress makes the body light up and changes the hormones in the brain and therefore how the body functions. Please take it easy if you can- and never give up on one goal at a time but you can't do everything all at once! We are here for you if you need to vent more. Hope you are having a better day.
Yes indeed dkel you are absolutely right. It is essential to list one's functional limitations. A lot of the paperwork here is about what you cannot do anymore, especially as it relates to functioning on a job or in work you did before. So far I am clear on not being able to bartend anymore, but I have had a few customer service jobs so they might try to say I could do those. Which I most certainly cannot but we'll see what happens.