This is my first time posting here. I’m so glad you guys exist. I feel so alone in my struggles and so hopeless that my life is just going to collapse around me.
I’ve been struggling with my mystery illness for 6 years. 3 months ago I got tested positive for Lyme, and am so relieved to finally know what it is, but after 3 months of holistic treatments with a Functional Medicine doctor who specializes in Lyme (major diet changes, supplements and vitamins), I’m feeling just as sick as when I started.
We discovered I have SIBO, as well as (probably) Babesiosis and Lyme. We have to treat the SIBO first - which we’re doing through supplements, diet changes to heal the gut, and in about a month antibiotics. Then we’ll start the provocation protocol to confirm Babesiosis, then I don’t know what treatment she’ll recommend.
Just like so many of you, I feel like a shell of the person I was. I’m 33, used to be a marathon runner, now I’m about to get a wheelchair because my back pain and weakness is so severe I can’t walk for more than 10 minutes at a time.
Before all this started I struggled with social anxiety. It’s always been hard for me to go into an office everyday and face people, but I managed to make it through and have a very successful career. Now though, the Lyme has been affecting me neurologically, bringing back not just my anxieties but bad depression and suicidal thoughts. Everyday to go into the office, to take care of daily responsibilities, is not just a struggle physically but mentally as well.
Even though I’m finally on the right track to get better, I somehow feel even more hopeless than before. Maybe it’s because I’ve been working so tirelessly the last 3 months doing everything I’m supposed to, and am still feeling so sick and in pain everyday. I can’t imagine it’s ever going to stop.
All I want is to make the whole world go away so I can just focus on my Lyme, but the doctor, the supplements, the treatment, my apartment, my lifestyle, I can’t do it without a salary - and I don’t want to quit my job or backslide in my career.
I just feel so tired and so lame - I’m losing friends, when I’m not at work I’m at home with my husband like a hermit. I’m like a human extension of my couch.
And the suicidal thoughts scare me. I would never think I would ever do that to myself or to my husband or my family, but I feel like the Lyme is taking over my brain and sometimes I just feel so out of control of my own body. I’m scared it’s going to get worse. I went to my psychiatrist and she put me on Duloxetine (antidepressant), so hopefully that helps.
In the meantime, in the midst of all the treatment struggles, how do you guys stay strong each day to keep going to the job, to keep doing the responsibilities, to keep holding on and staying hopeful?
I’m so sorry that al of you are going through this too - I hope every one of you feels better!
-xox
